Wake Me When It’s Over

yawning hippo

I’ve been there, man.

I’m not sure if it’s a product of turning 30, or of having two young children, but I have very suddenly developed an overactive yawning habit. Increasingly, my sentences end with an indeterminate breath of air, like “Hey let’s go shave the baby’s aaaaaAAAAHHH.”. Last night as I put The Big One to bed I kept on trying to compel him to select a bedtime story, and with every admonition I felt my face split into a wider yawn. This was at 7:30 in the evening, mind you. We had a friend over this evening, roughly our age, and after the boys were in bed we spent all of our time chatting on the couch and yawning. Truly the town was painted red.

Could it be a sign that I’m not getting enough sleep? Maybe, except that there is a new-found inability to sleep in when I get the opportunity. Last year for our anniversary my wife and I left the boy with my mom and went away for a wild morning of sleeping in. Apparently, the definition of sleeping in has slipped all the way up to six in the morning. And anyway, I don’t have trouble getting to sleep. It’s not even really sleepiness when I yawn. It’s just…yawning.

I fear that it’s now time to face the idea that I’m no longer a college student. I don’t have big important things to do like spend 12 hours straight sleeping on a couch, then waking up and watching three football games without getting up. Now my life is filled up with meaningless distractions like sleep and feeding small children. I mean, what’s a guy supposed to do when he wants to play four hours of Mario Kart? Put it off until his kids are in bed? I’m afraid that is increasingly what is necessary.

So if I’m going to be that guy who’s yawning through everything, I might as well embrace it. My body is clearly telling me something with these yawns. I’ll simply have to try different things when I yawn, to see if that satisfies whatever urge I’m getting. Maybe a yawn is a signal to scream wildly? Perhaps it means I should have a sandwich? Or maybe this is one of those problems, like all problems, that can be solved by a lot of coffee drunk very quickly. I might as well be scientific about this, and try everything I think of until something makes sense.

But for now I’m going to make some peppermint tea, because I’m pretty sure I’m writing this asleep.


One thought on “Wake Me When It’s Over

  1. Good aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-rticle.

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