Ranking The Marvel Movies

This Friday brings about the second Avengers movie, and like many of you I plan on doing my American duty to line up to see a blockbuster sequel. Of course it will obliterate any and all records, and it will inspire a bunch more overwrought think-pieces about how superheroes are destroying American cinema. I remain highly dubious on DC’s attempts to turn every one of their properties into an existential slog on the big screen, but it’s hard to fault Marvel for their adherance to what has been a highly successful model. Continue reading

Go, Speed, Go!

He’s a demon and he’s going to be chasing after someone!

To the surprise of absolutely no one, the Wachowski’s new movie, Jupiter Ascending, was a spectacular flop this past weekend. For as big a name as the sibling director duo is, they haven’t had a proper hit since the third Matrix movie over a decade ago, and most people have decided that The Matrix Revolutions was a disappointment regardless. Continue reading

A Marvel-ous World

If you have any kind of nerdy interests at all, you have probably already seen the announcement about the next five years of Marvel’s cinematic universe. They announced a whopping nine movies in that time frame, culminating in 2018 and 2019 with an enormous two-part Avengers movie adapting the Infinity War arc. The release schedule is as relentless as it’s ever been, dropping two movies in most years. The announcement didn’t even include Ant-Man and The Avengers: Age Of Ultron, which are both bowing in 2015. Continue reading

A Jedi, Like His Father Before Him

It is your destiny.

One of the many joys of family is the ritual of passing stories to the next generation. Everyone has stories. Maybe they’re cultural ones, like fairy tales or fables. Maybe they have religious significance like the Bible stories I heard as a child and that I share with my own kids. Maybe they’re just family stories that are fun because you know everyone involved. Continue reading

Godzilla – Movie Review

RAAAAAAAHHHHH-SKRONK!

Here there be some light spoilers. Ye be warned.

The only proper way to discuss a Godzilla movie is in relation to other Godzilla movies. If you hear someone complaining about the special effects in, say, Godzilla Vs. Monster Zero, that person has already missed the point. That’s one reason the 1998 American version of Godzilla felt so disappointing. It felt the need to distance itself as far as it could from the Japanese series, but it turns out that Godzilla really does work best in the context of what’s gone before. Continue reading

Monster of My Heart

When I was about eight years old, I discovered a series of books at my library about movie monsters. Of course that included the Universal monsters like Frakenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman (of whom I was a little afraid), but it also included monsters like King Kong and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. But the one who captivated me was Godzilla. I must have checked that book out a dozen times. I think it might have been his resemblance to a dinosaur that got me in the door, but I was truly enchanted by the enormous variety of creatures he battled. Rodan, Mothra, and the coolest one of all, King Ghidorah. Continue reading

The Definitive Ranking of All Disney Movies

disney animation

I recently posted something on my Facebook to the effect that there are three classes of Disney movies: genuine classics, genuinely bad, and those that Disney keeps trying to tell us are classics but are actually a little boring. Some people were indignant that I classified both The Aristocats and Robin Hood in the final category. To those offended, I’m sorry. To clear up all confusion I thought it only fair that I rank all 53 Disney movies. This will make sure all future arguments are taken care of.

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